its a shame, how i've come to dread the times when school ends, i dread having to go home to an empty house, being alone. i dread leaving classrooms, where im surrounded by people for a change. i dread leaving, because its the only place where i have someone to talk to, an acutal persons. its sucha a shame that im 18 years old, and the saddest ive been in years. its a shame that i've never felt so alone in my entire life, that i long for the moments when i get to speak to someone who isnt yelling, who isnt judging, who isint giving me dirty looks. its a shame that i crave the moments when i get to be held, if only for a moment. the moments when i get to feel anothers body against mine, the moments when the aching in my heart will stop. i trick myself at night, placing a pillow behind my back, and pretetnding its someone else, someone who will love me just as i am. someone who will hold my hand in public, kiss me when im sad, laugh with me when im happy. someone who will hold me close at night, and call me a bitch when i know im being one.

im only human. my heart aches too.